Gratitude & Grief

It has been 9 going on 10 months since I lost my dad, my best friend and my hero. It feels like yesterday, although some days feel a little easier to get through then others. Seems appropriate that I would make my first post on thanksgiving. Since this holiday is about gratitude. I have a lot to be grateful for in my life, even grateful for the solo time I spent with my dad the last few years following his illness. But grief is very hard. I think if you have never really been through it you would not understand what that is like. We deal with loss on a daily basis, losing friends, changing jobs, a lot of things can be listed under loss. Death of a loved one is definitely at the top of my list.

Someone said to me the other day that grief is selfish, now mind you it took all I had to keep my big mouth zipped when they said that. They said it selfish because you want that person in your life and you aren't happy for their moving to the next phase or resting place. Interesting enough my grief is not all about me. I feel sad that my dad will never meet his grandchildren. I feel disappointed for him that he had to pass away at such a young age and was not able to experience a life as long as others, and yes I grieve because I miss him and his presence. How are those things selfish I thought.

As a therapist I thought I knew what grief was and what it felt like, I had suffered losses in my life before, Grandparents, Aunt's, Uncle's but this was different. This loss cut way deeper, the scar that this has left is not the same and I am still learning how to work through the emotional emptiness it has left. The way we treat grief is wrong, it's not something we even talk about in society. Maybe that is part of the problem, we are in a society of instant gratification and do not allow ourselves to feel. We develop coping skills and then never process the subject that we needed the coping skill for in the first place. A bubble bath isn't going to resolve any unresolved feelings or issues long term. It is a simple solution in the moment so that you can get a grip. But what about identifying the source of your feelings and working through them, actually feeling them.

I am truly grateful for the time I had to spend with my dad, and I am happy that I was able to be there for him during such a trying time in his life. I am blessed in that aspect but that does not lessen my grief. You see it is not something that ever goes away. A deep loss will change you, and stay with you forever. It was almost in an instant that I saw things differently, and I think as time goes on, I will continue to change because of that loss.

I would love to hear your thought on your journey in grieving.